hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize