I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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