Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
