i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
