zippers are such a cool invention
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
