The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
