i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
