I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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