I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
