I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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