I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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