If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
