I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
