chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
