He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
