I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
