i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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