dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
