dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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