we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
