hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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