something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
