When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
