Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
