Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
