I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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