Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
