she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
