I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
