yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He shit in the fireplace
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
