Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
