Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
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why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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