It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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