If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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