I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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