you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
