Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
