I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
