Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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