she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
