There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
