Ambien. No doubt about it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
