mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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