so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
