Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
