JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it's like iHOP with fire
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
