At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
