Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
