Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
