I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize