I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
