Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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