The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
