are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
