if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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