Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They have beer where we have blood.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
