I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
youre lurking in front of me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
