Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
