google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's a naked man in my car right now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Couch. On fire.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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