Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
