She announced her abortion via fbk
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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