Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
